WELLINGTON! Home! ... Home?
It was exciting coming into Wellington week and getting to perform for whanau and friends down there. But at the same time I was unsure if I was really coming "home" after moving to Auckland.
Something I struggled with in this week was that my team members on a few occasions asked me if we were going to perform at my school, forgetting that this chick was homeschooled! I thought I'd properly dealt with my insecurities around this. Around age 14 I had the realisation that God's plan for me is unique and intentional and that included being homeschooled even though that was sometimes hard being different among my friends. But somehow people asking, expecting, assuming we were going to my school sparked some doubt or unrest in me. Thinking about it now, maybe it was jealousy because I'd seen how cool it was for my friends going back to their schools being recognized for following their passions and praised for touring the country with it.
My upbringing was so different. All the time people relate to their past experiences, "Oh remember this from high school?" About their classes, the school ball, the friend circles, the teachers, the arts, the sports, the leadership positions... I don't have those same reference points. But I'm not complaining. I'm so so grateful for the life I've had. I see the reasons my Mum chose homeschooling and although it makes it hard to relate to others experiences, I'm pretty sure I avoided a lot of not so easy environments and situations because of it.
One evening of Wellington week we went along to Awaken Church Youth and did a Q&A with them and spent some time worshipping. During worship I was thinking over my life and seeing how God has protected and looked after me and allowed me to learn so much about Him and this life without having to go through a lot of pain or heartbreak or grief. Seeing how Jesus had been not just an antidote but a preventative in my life, I penned these words which helped me to process, accept, and move on in gratefulness...
Depth, breath, life you give
Freedom, redemption, paid for my sin
Renewed, alive, surely set free
Hope, identity, a place for me
Rescued from what could have been
Protected, accepted from the very beginning.
