Week 6 ~ Taupo // Mistakes

Mistakes... Something I do not deal with all too well... There must be something built into me, an inner perfectionist or a self-driven expectation over myself, I don't know what but for some reason I really HATE making mistakes. Whether that  be in a performance, in baking a cake, or something deeper like hurting a friend. When I mess up I don't take it lightly. In some situations this is a good thing because it means I really strive for the best. BUT it can also be quite damaging and have a negative effect too. It must have been heading that way too often because God decided to do some work on this part of who I am...

From Monday - Thursday in week 6 we had EXCEL Camp. It was one of the absolute highlights of Tour. The team along with all the first year students met up at Mi Camp in Taupo to build relationships, connect with God, and spend time learning and having a heap of fun. Something that's become a big focus at EXCEL is God-Conversations. We spent quite a bit of time at camp learning about this and actually taking our own time to talk with God. A privilege for me was that our principal John asked me to speak at one of the sessions about my experience with this so I got to share some stories from on Tour where I'd heard from God and acted on His words. But stories aside, God had new things to say to me this week...

Leading up to camp I'd been meditating on the idea of Freedom. Both the freedom we'll have in Heaven and what we experience here on Earth too. A lot of the time I've felt restricted or held back in who I am which I think is connected to being bound by the pressures of perfection. I believe that isn't what God wants for me living as His daughter. So given the opportunity, I questioned Him...

Me: God, let's just jump straight in... how do I get to that freedom? I don't know the answer so you're really gonna have to talk... Okay I know you're just gonna say "I'm always talking."
God: Good, so you're LEARNING. That's the answer. To experience freedom, come to the revelation that you will always be a learner. That means you can't always get it right or there would be no space for improvement.
"Jesus grew both in body and in wisdom, gaining favour with God and people." 
Luke 2:52
Me: Question, can you make mistakes without sinning? Like... did Jesus make mistakes?
God: Yes.
Me: Wait, WHAT?!
God: He grew in body and wisdom. GREW. He learnt. As you must learn.

I sat and just looked at those words in my journal for what felt like ages. This is probably the most profound thing I have learnt in my walk with God so far... It suddenly made sense. For my whole life I had this picture of Jesus that said he lived a PERFECT life so He must have never messed up or looked silly or got anything wrong ever. But this revelation flipped that for me. Jesus never sinned. I'm not saying He did. I'm just proposing that as humans, including Christ in His human form, we can make mistakes and it still be a positive thing because from it we grow and learn.

Come the end of camp, the first years headed back to Auckland but the tour team went into Taupo to do some shows. The first school we rock up to, I'm doing the MCing as per usual and I get to the part where I promote our youth show. Usually these shows are free or ticketed at $7 but this one was a gold coin donation. I go to tell my audience of a few hundred students this but what proceeds from my lips is, "We'd love to see you there it's just a cold goin donation." ... Cold goin ... COLD GOIN. What the heck?!?! I came off stage and to my complete shock, I cracked up laughing!!! Usually I'd be kicking myself and finding a hole to crawl into and not appear again until my self pity party had died out but not this time! What God had shown me had moved something in my heart and I was able to see the silly in my mistake and know that I wasn't a failure because of it. Praise Him!

To be honest I haven't totally conquered this area yet. There have been many times since then when I've gotten highly upset over missing the mark. Whether it was in a show, my exam results, or regretting the way I've acted toward someone, I know God has me on a journey with this one and His Holy Spirit is making me more sensitive to how I react. Being human means I'll never be perfect. I've got to stop being disgusted by that and let it be a comfort to me in knowing it's okay to make mistakes.